Sexuality

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Do you understand sexuality?

Your sexuality is unique to you, it is part of your identity or image and it determines choices that you make in life around gender based relationships and sexual activity.

Sexuality in its most basic form means whether you are attracted to men or women. Some people feel very strongly about this from a very early age and others feel indifferent for sometime. Some can start to feel preferences at the point of puberty and others can feel very confused. Puberty can be a worrying time when people become conscious of lots of changes happening to their bodies, emotions and appearance.

Can you cope with the changes?

Most of the changes that take place are beyond our control, for example the growth of body hair; this can be quite frightening and lead to feelings of being out of control. This can lead to further feeling of confusion and sometimes emotional outbursts such as anger. It is normal to have lots of sexual thoughts and feelings at this time and even though it is normal it can cause concern.  If the feelings are not fully understood they can be accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame.

This can be a time when people can feel like they are alone and isolated and that they are the only person feeling like this. This can be a difficult and sensitive subject and many find it hard to find someone to confide in about their thoughts and feelings.  it is important to learn how to manage these feelings and talk problems or fears through with someone appropriate in a safe confidential environment. These feelings will calm down when the body starts to adjust to the changes due to the different hormone levels within the body.

What is the purpose of developing our sexuality?

People develop their sexual identity and start to acquire knowledge about sex and relationships at an early age. This starts very informally learning from parents, carers, school, and play and through social situations. It helps young people develop a broad base of understanding and skills. This enables them to form core values and attitudes so that they can make appropriate choices about their sexuality and sexual behaviour, whilst maintaining respect for ones self and others. It also plays an important part in assisting them to acquire emotional intelligence.

The media plays an important part in our lives and we cannot underestimate the effects this can have on people. How the mass media portrays images and roles reinforce stereotypical images and this can cause stress and confusion when individuals are trying to create their own identity. The media and society surrounds us with messages of what is right or wrong and this can prevent individuals from exploring and discussing any concerns they might have around their sexuality.

Some people assume that they are heterosexual and can therefore become very shocked and confused when an experience or friendship leads them to question their sexuality. Such situations are not uncommon and can be very complex because of existing relationships and life style commitments. This may also have implications for work, education and social activities.

People may fear or experience actual bullying or harassment in relation to their sexuality and there are laws to protect individuals against such prejudice and discrimination. These laws are unable however to protect against the pain of rejection and so it is not always safe to admit or discuss sexuality.

People often talk about “coming out” when people talk openly about their sexual preferences and to whom they are sexually attracted. Sexuality is a personal choice and not a decision that someone else can make for you. There can however, be a lot of pressure on individuals from family and friends.

When people disclose their sexuality they can be surprised or shocked by the reactions of others. if people react badly it is usually due to ignorance, prejudice and fear.  There are people and professionals who can listen and offer advice if this is a difficult time. Individuals have to find a safe confidential way to support themselves and work out what is right for them.

If you want to explore your feelings about any aspect of your sexuality share your concerns with a member of the team.

Updated: 28th September 2009