Sex Talk

How can we help?

Howsme are a team of experts from a variety of professional backgrounds who can give you confidential online information and support.  Whether you have a quick question or need to resolve complex issues howsme has the answers you need.  We look forward to hearing from you.The team at How’s me have supported many people and couples through all sorts of problems, helping them to realize fulfilling sexual relationships.

Sexual pressure rather than sexual pleasure!

We cannot underestimate the influence and the pressure that the media places upon us regarding body image and our sexual ability. This can affect our judgement and our satisfaction of our own body’s shape and size (including our genitals).   We are shown airbrushed, perfect bodies that can encourage insecurity when we compare ourselves.  Tanned, flawless skin that doesn’t sag, bulge or flop about just isn’t real life and unachievable for most of us! Yet the media is able to dictate some of the standards of what our body should look like and what level of sexual activity is expected.  This can create unnecessary demands upon relationships as it affects our understanding of what is “normal” and causes difficulties that affect couples levels of intimacy.

Talk about sex and improve your relationship.

Couples that have been together for a while can easily make the mistake of thinking they know each other so well that they no longer need to talk to each other.  This can be a huge oversight as no one can read minds and if someone doubts their ability to satisfy the other person it can be damaging to their ability to perform and affect their confidence. 

Problems such as an illness, stress, bereavement, being overworked, additions, the use of recreational drugs or the pressure of family life can all affect our confidence and sex lives. Unless we feel able to discuss these issues with our partners, barriers can form and our relationships can become less intimate.

Talking to each other about sex can be the most enlightening decision that a couple can make. Discussing your likes and dislikes can give your sex life new direction and planning your next sexual encounter can be exciting and become part of foreplay. Many people don’t like talking about sex because they feel embarrassed or fear rejection. These fears stop people making new suggestions about their sex life.  It can sometimes help to suggest that you have heard about the benefits and enjoyment people have experienced as a result of trying different things such as oral sex or a new position and ask whether you could try that together.  You might be pleasantly surprised at the response.

Lets be honest. If you can not discuss your feelings with your partner explore them with one of the experts at howsme.

It is important that couples are honest about how they feel so that neither feels under pressure to act in a way that could distress them.  All parties have to be consenting and although one partner might be naturally more dominant than the other the act should be performed in a non-abusive manner.  Good communication can include some non-verbal cues such as gestures and noises. It is always good to let your partner know when they are pleasing you and have got just the right spot that turns you on. Both parties are encouraged to express themselves in a way that is honest and kind and sensitive to the needs of the other as though these are exciting times they can also make us feel very vulnerable.

Sex Education (or lack of it!) Our likes and dislikes can change!

Most of us have no ‘formal’ education on sex and therefore hope to become an expert with only our instincts to guide us on how we should perform and behave.  Although the human race is designed to survive and reproduce our instincts are only to guide us and give us our primitive needs and desires, not to educate us to be great lovers. When we learn to drive we must first familiarise ourselves with the theory and then practice our technique to improve our competence and confidence.  Unfortunately when it comes to sex we put pressure on ourselves to be an instant expert! 

To become confident and competent at sex we need to firstly understand and gain experiences of our own needs, responses, likes and dislikes and then those of our partner.   Our confidence, self esteem and the development of our sexuality will all have an effect on how we feel about sex and our sexual relationships. 

Why make time to make love? Our experts can explain the reasons to make time for sex and how and why your relationship will benefit.

Modern life places continuous pressure upon individuals and couples, with many feeling like they do not have time for intimacy and an active sex life. Some couples feel like they have little or no energy left at the end of a working day to engage in sexual activity. Some individuals or couples feel so stressed and overloaded with the personal and emotional responsibilities of balancing the demands of work and life that they feel unable to give themselves time to relax and enjoy each others time and affections. This can cause unhappy feelings and distance them from their partners.

Couples have to communicate honestly with each other and respect each other’s wishes and feelings, whilst acknowledging that there is a problem and that they want to change the situation. This can be a difficult time but couples can survive and rebuild an active and satisfying sex life if they are prepared to work on new techniques and face the challenges.

Is it just about making babies? How is it for you?

Having a baby can have an effect upon a couple’s sex life. Couples trying to get pregnant may feel that sex is now less spontaneous and more of a routine procedure the result of which will hopefully be pregnancy.  Pregnancy effects everyone differently and although some couples continue a near normal sex life others prefer not to have sex or sexual intercourse during pregnancy. The experience of childbirth can have a profound physical and emotional effect on both parents and with an additional person in the relationship privacy and time together are more difficult to find.  Couples need to be able to adapt and change in order to cope with these new challenges.

Is it possible to make sex exciting again? Yes! Ask for top tips.

Being with the same partner for many years may lead to rather predictable sexual behaviour and couples sometimes feel that their sex life is lacking excitement. The trust and confidence found within such an established relationship can, however, make it safer and more comfortable to suggest new activities and to experiment than it would be with a new partner.

Satisfying sex in later life is possible!

Although our bodies change as we get older it is still possible to enjoy a satisfying sex life well into old age!  Hormone changes in both men and women, changes in the sensitivity of our skin and generally becoming less mobile may all start to limit what we can sensibly (and safely) achieve.  Certain medical conditions can affect peoples sexual functioning; these include diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure problems and arthritis. Some prescribed medication could also have an affect. These changes create challenges but there is no need to stop enjoying the pleasures of a loving, intimate, sexual relationship.

What is your idea of a great result? Do you share your level of satisfaction with your partner?

The aim for most people’s sexual activity is to be pleasurable, intimate, to feel loved and to experience sensuality within a close relationship and environment of their choice.  Reaching a climax, orgasm or ejaculation is a unique experience described differently by men and women. These differences are due to the anatomy of men and women and the role that they choose to play within the relationship. Reaching a climax can be described as an explosion of tension and sensations that can be felt all over the body.  The sharing of such an experience between consenting adults should enhance their relationship.

This positive outcome ought to encourage couples to continue communicating to learn about our bodies, share our feelings and develop new methods to manage the continuous changes within our bodies and our lives. Working together in this way can create a happy, caring and long lasting fulfilled relationship.

How to make her ejaculate?

Because it is sometimes spelt wrongly and searched for as ‘How to make her ejeculate?’ we have deliberately spelt ejaculate wrongly through this article!

The question ‘how to make her ejeculate?’ is very commonly asked question and a much talked about subject.

Some people believe that female ejeculation is not possible, therefore, is female ejeculation just a myth?

There are others though who would disagree and believe they can perform or induce female ejeculation.

So female ejeculation is a questionable subject.  If you are trying to achieve a female ejeculation in yourself or your partner, achieving the best orgasms and experiencing a satisfying sexual relationship will give you the best possible chance of reaching the debatable female ejeculation.

So are you ready to find out the facts on how to make her ejeculate?

To discover whether female ejeculation is possible within your relationship ask one of our expert’s advice about female ejeculation.

Get some advice, in confidence, from an expert who can guide you to full sexual satisfaction. 

Updated: 31st March 2009